Thursday, May 31, 2007
A cry for help
This is a cry for help from all those moms out there. I had the experience everyone talks about today as I took the kids to Target. All we had to get was envelopes for Sophie's birthday invitations. Ayden hates riding in the cart so I told him if he was good that I would let him walk but he had to stay by me. As soon as we got in the store he started running off looking for toys. I talked to him calmly and explained that I needed to find some envelopes first and then we could look at the toys. Lately he has been pretty reasonable when you explain things to him. That was not the case today. He kept running off so I put him in the cart. Boy did that really set him off. He started screaming at the top of his lungs. Then when I tried to calm him down he started hitting me and screaming louder. I took him out of the cart and he started running again, so I put him back in. Now he was livid. I finally took the few things out of our cart and headed for the door. I felt like all eyes were on me as I calmly walked out of the store, holding back the tears. He screamed all the way to the car and all the way home. When we got home I took him to his room, kicking and screaming. I shut the door and he of course opened it. I started to yell and realized that it doesn't matter what I do, he's not going to listen. I felt utter despair as I realized that my son has no respect for me. He doesn't care if I'm upset or if he's doing something that makes me angry. Once I realized he would stay on his bed as long as I left the door open, I walked away and had a moment to myself. I cried, called Logan, yelled, and cried some more. So now I'm crying out to you all, if you have any words of wisdom or advise for me, I'm all ears. These are the moments when you realize you just might not be cut out for this whole mother thing.
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8 comments:
Do you know who will forever hold the title of screaming in the store QUEEN extraordinare? My Emma Anne. I tell you this to give you hope. I had many, many experiences like the one you described (with the others, too, but hers were the most intense and awful). And there isn't a worse feeling. So I'd say: Hold On! Emma is a delightful creature these days. Responsive, respectful, accountable.... etc. All you can do is set the expectation for them. And then keep trying as they continually drive you crazy pushing your limits and buttons. Also, it's amazing what a little age and maturity will do. These days I only have one child that might pitch a fit at any given moment. Hold 'em accountable, and they do grow out of it.
You are a great Mom, Mary. I've seen you in action. And also, don't feel bad that you lost it with him. I think that in very small doses, that, too is an okay thing for a kid to experience. And he does love you and care about you-- he just loves getting his way more! hee hee. : )
Love you!
Isn't it crazy to know that someone so small can make you so upset at times! I feel awful when I lose it too! When I apologize it is so great that they say, "It's okay." Without a second thought. They are so forgiving! I feel your pain. Just know you are cut out for this! You are such a great mom and you do so much for your kids! And Ayden and Sophie love you soo much!
The grocery store is tricky! When I go with the kids I make sure it is right after they have eaten and before they need a nap. Not always possible so lately I go at night! I try giving snacks in the store and buy them later. Also, before I go I make it clear what I expect of them. Sometimes you have to do what you did and just leave the cart full of stuff and walk out.
Don't worry about the eyes on you! Who cares. They'd be doing the same thing you are!
There are many times I hold the doorknob while Brandt is screaming and trying to get it open. I tell him over and over that he cannot come out until he calms down. He does it now. Age makes a difference!!
I love you and am so sorry you had a bad day! You definitely need a break tonight and a treat! (That is what I do!)
Dear Mary. You have some good advise from the others above. Remain calm and determined. What you did was the right thing, leave the store and go home and put him in his room. When a child says they hate you, etc., they really don't mean it, at least at his age. The eyes upon you thing, by leaving and taking him home, they'll respect you for that decision. You are doing great as a mom, so just keep learning, listening and doing your best. Ayden is testing you, so remain firm and consistent in your disipline. Love ya.
Mary, you did exactly the right thing by sticking to the rule that if he ran away he'd be in the cart. And you did exactly the right thing by leaving the store when you did. Ayden will have to learn that he has to stay with you in a store. I'm sure you explain to him that it's because you love him and you don't want to lose him. He doesn't get that yet, but reminding him you love him doesn't hurt.
I'm glad you had a moment to walk away and cry. That does wonders. Just letting the emotion go in that way rather than in yelling at him is so good for both of you. I often forget to do this, but that's a great time to drop to your knees and ask for help. You'll get the calm you need to handle the situation and Ayden, seeing you, will get an invaluable example of what to do when we need help.
I'm sure you prepared him for the store the best you could, but I find that when I've prepared Connor for what's ahead he handles it much better. Just talking through the scenario helps. And promising a treat for good behavior (and really only giving it if they mostly earned it) helps too.
It also wouldn't hurt to stop by the toy aisle first, at least until Ayden can learn to delay gratification a little bit, and grab a few toys to throw in the cart for him to play with while riding along with you.
You are an amazing mom. You love your kids so much and they adore you. Keep up the good work. I love you!
p.s. One day Ayden will be a teenager yelling at you and disrespecting you and you'll think, "man, those days in target were a piece of cake compared to this!"
Mary, you received great advice from everyone. You handled it just the way you should have. Ayden is two and he is just trying to find out the boundaries of independence. I don't know a mother who hasn't cried and dropped to her knees in prayer. Lynn was our tantrum thrower and I don't know that anyone could outscream his tantrums, but we survived and he turned out to be a great kid.Ayden and Sophie love you!
Mary, ditto to everything everyone else has said. Having just spent 8 days with Ayden, I completely understand your feelings! You did the right thing. He's not a bad kid, he just two and knows what he wants. You're doing great as a mother, just hang in there!
Well, first off, you are an amazing mother, and you'd be crazy to deny that. I have seen your interaction with your babies and they love you. Just looking through this blog proves what an awesome mom you are.
Luke's only 6 months, so what advice can i really give right?? Well, all I know is that the most valuable lesson I have learned from him so far is that every CRAPPY stage is just that... a stage. It's sucky in the thick of it, but then they keep growing, and go on to other stages (some which actually may be even crappier!) But the best thing I nkow how to do is just tell myself that this isn't going to last forever, (teething!) and that I need to do what I can to get through it while somehow remaining sane!
Love ya Mary! P.S. I CHOPPED MY HAIR!!
Sorry, that annonymous was me... I don't know what I did. :)
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